If Only I Could Love Again
by pandasrus52
Summary: Kay hasn't seen Jack in two years, but he's not himself, he's someone else. His new self doesn't frighten her, she only doesn't like the fact that she has to call him Joker now. Before and during TDK. Summary sucks I know. Joker/OC
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own any of this stuff 'cept maybe some of the characters.**

Kay leaned back. Hearing her back crack, she grunted. All this strenuous exercise had been so painful, but it was all worth it. She felt confident in her ability to completely do a split, woot.

There was no real reason for this onset of fantasized flexibility but it was nice to have a goal once in a while. Kay looked over at her clock and cursed under her breath. He was not going to be happy; then again he was always happy when they were to together.

Skipping a few steps, she slid around the corner to the kitchen and fell flat on her face. She sighed and quickly picked herself up, no time to waste. She grabbed her purse from the counter and the car keys from the inside the bag. Slipping hastily into her car seat she was off in seconds.

She checked the time as she raced down the quiet street. 7: 57. Almost 8, that's when she promised she'd be there. At 7:59 she pulled up his drive way. She left the car running and ran to the door to meet him. Alex stood anticipating her at the door, smiling. He leapt out the door and to the car with Kay in tow.

Dinner had been great, well for a take out place at least. Alex pushed his plate away from himself and coughed. Kay looked up, with her head in her hands.

"So what now?" his smile was menacing.

"I don't know," Kay shrugged lightly.

Alex smiled even wider and grabbed her hand and led the way to the car. He pulled her car keys out of her pocket and walked around the car to open the passenger door for her. He then sprinted back to the driver's side and started the car.

"Where are we going?" Kay looked around her as they took off toward the highway.

"You'll see," Alex smiled again.

Kay wasn't too keen on this whole surprise thing; she crossed her fingers hoping he wouldn't ask her to have sex with him. She loved him like nothing else, but she really didn't feel ready. She held her breath as they pulled into a convenient store parking lot. He pulled out of the car and led her into the store.

"We are going to have a nice car picnic dessert," he boasted his idea.

Kay smiled with relief and jumped and clapped her hands. Lots of candy. The two raced around the store grabbing all the tasty treats they wanted. The clerk eyed them suspiciously. When they placed their findings on the counter and waited while the clerk rang up the purchase.

There was suddenly a loud screeching noise and then a crash. All three of the store members looked outside to see Kay's car bashed into a pole with a big van behind it.

"What the hell?!" Kay screamed.

Alex held her back. The white van driver hit the gas again and pushed her car through the glass front of the convenient. There was silence and then a quick click. Kay turned to the cashier and saw him holding a gun, but it wasn't at the van. Alex pulled Kay behind him.

"What do you want?" Alex growled.

"Get in the van, both of you," the store clerk's demeanor changed.

The driver of the van hopped out of into the store.

"More collateral," he sighed.

He was a heavy set man with a short buzz cut and a spot of white in his black hair. He wore all black, black jeans, black shirt, and a black leather jacket, plus a gold necklace around his pudgy throat. The clerk was similarly dressed, but was skinnier.

Kay peeked to the side and noticed a person lying on the floor wearing a 'Gotham Convenient Store' t-shirt. She nearly fainted.

"Let's go, the cops are comin'" the fatter man said pulling out a large pistol, the sound of sirens could be heard in the background.

All four quickly rushed into the van. The thinner man threw Kay in the back and Alex jumped in after her. The door slammed behind them and it was very dark.

"What's going to happen to us?" Kay's voice cracked in the middle of her sentence.

Suddenly the front two doors opened and the two convicts stepped in. The larger one put the van in reverse, since it still had been running. They shot out into the street and drove quickly into the night.

Alex held Kay against his chest as the van made its final turn on the bumpy path that had been hidden off the highway; unfortunately, the two had no idea where they were.

The van came to a sudden stop the back door flew open suddenly.

"Let's go!" the thin man commanded pointing the gun at Kay.

The two rushed out of the van and followed the fat man into a rusty, old warehouse. As they opened the door a silence fell over the crowd of men that worked here. Whenever Kay and Alex would pass, Kay gripping Alex's shirt tightly, the workers would smirk and whisper to another while pointing at Kay.

"I call her first," someone in the crowd yelled and noise erupted as to got Kay when.

Garrett glared at every man in the room, he was becoming very angry.

"Hey," the fat man grabbed Alex's shirt collar and dragged him and Kay into a separate office off the main floor in the warehouse.

"We have some collateral again boss," the thin man said to a figure hidden in shadow leaning back into a comfy looking office chair.

He spun the chair towards them and leaned out of the shadows.

"Frankie you can go," he pointed a think finger at the thinner man, the man nodded and left he room.

"Terry grab the keys," the fat man picked up a set of keys that were lying on the cabinet against the wall.

Terry stuck the key into a key hole on the wall; it opened to a bare room. The boss pointed to Alex and Kay and then pointed to the empty room. The two stumbled into the empty room. Alex lightly kissed Kay on the head and held her tighter to his chest as they walked into the room.

The door let out a low creek before it was shut with a thud and the room was pitch black. Alex let go of Kay began to pound on where he thought the door was.

"Hey let us out, hey!" Alex continued to bang on the supposed door.

A small hand touched his back. He turned to Kay and held her close to him. Her arms were cold and he began to rub her arms to keep her warm. He felt a wet spot on his chest and realized she was crying. He held her tighter and leaned against the wall slinking to the floor.

They remained in this room for five days, they could tell from the small window that was at the corner of the room right before the ceiling. There was no way they could reach it, let alone fit through it. However, it was open which let air into the room. After about five days the door finally opened.

"Pick them up," a heavy voice commanded.

Kay lay sleeping on Alex, but she suddenly awoke at the sound of this man's voice. Alex put his arm in front of her, and eventually his whole body, to protect Kay. Two large men pulled them both up and dragged them out the door, both too weak to fight. The boss pointed over his shoulder to two wooden chairs. The big men threw Kay in one and Alex in the other.

Their hands and feet were bound to the chairs. The two men walked to a large cabinet and opened it revealing a large amount of weapons.

"Well we've kept you here long enough, time to go," he cackled a laugh and then left the room.

One of the men, he was slightly larger than the other and with a snake tattoo on his hand, pulled out a machine gun. He began to fire rounds at the ceiling. Kay screamed and started to cry.

"Shut up!" the other man yelled at her stepping forward and slapping her face.

"Don't touch her!" Alex yelled thrashing at his bindings.

The larger man picked up a small pocket knife and looked at his comrade with an evil glint in his eye. The other smiled and also picked up another pocket knife. They both proceeded forward with the knives. Kay winced as the smaller thug began to carve patterns into her legs. He moved the knife up and began to cut her jeans off. At one point he reached her thigh and cut the already cut jeans off, in the process, he cut semi-circles in her thighs. Kay flinched at the pain the, but never spoke a word, or screamed.

Eventually he moved up to her top and began to cut off her shirt; he left cut marks along her stomach up to her chest. He stopped at where her breasts began. A maniacal smirk went a cross his face as he cut the outline of her breasts, he continued up her collar bone and began to go down her arms. All the while, cutting artistic patterns into her pale arms. He traveled down to her wrists and cut deeper into them. Tears swelled in Kay's eyes and the man smirked again. He went up to her face.

"You cry too much," his voice was hoarse.

He drew a single curve on the top of her cheek bone shaped to be a tear drop. He began to laugh at his work and went to lean against the wall.

"Your turn," he motioned towards his friend.

All the while that Kay had been cut, Alex had been forced to watch. He could feel his blood boiling with his rage.

The larger man began to make motions to him.

"Don't come near me," he yelled.

The man continued to move, slowly.

"I swear to God I'll kick your sorry ass," he began to thrash in his chair.

"Oh really," the man reached Alex but bent over to Kay and drew one line into her shoulder.

"Stop, please leave her alone, let her go, kill me not her, let her go," he growled.

"Kid you need to stop talking," the smaller man directed.

"No, let her go!" Alex continued to complain.

"You need to lighten up. Why are you so serious?" the larger man smirked.

The man spun his heals and went back to the cabinet where he pulled out a small steak knife.

"Come kid, I'm just here to put a smile on that face," the man smiled and drew deep cuts into Alex's cheeks almost in the shape of a smile.

Both men laughed uncontrollably. Kay was slowly loosing consciousness but could clearly see the damage being done to her boyfriend.

"No," her voice was almost a whisper.

Alex's head fell forward as blood dripped from his face and onto the floor and his lap. Kay started to cry again. The door opened and the boss walked in.

"Alright kiddies, it's your lucky day, we recently have an opening that needs to be filled this instant. Who will it be?" the boss folded his arms.

"Who got 'fired'?" the larger man asked, air quoting 'fired' and laughing.

"You did," the boss pulled out a gun and shot him straight in the chest.

Kay yelped briefly.

"Well it won't be you then," he said and pointed to her.

The other man went to her and untied her and then Alex.

"No," Alex mumbled almost incoherently.

"It's okay Alex, I'll be okay," she reached over to him and touched his hand.

He looked deep into her eyes and saw that there was no hope, none. She wasn't going to make it out of here, not alive.

He rarely cried, but her smiling face and hopeless lie caused tears to drip into his recent scars. She reached up her hand and wiped away a few tears. She smiled meekly and kissed him on his bloody lips.

"I love you," she whispered to him and kissed again.

The man pulled her away from Alex. She smiled and waved goodbye, tears falling down her face. The boss nodded to the thug and he pulled her around the corner. Everything was quiet and then there was a loud bang. Alex's eyes grew wide and then playful. Things were going to be very different for him from here on out.

**Well this is the beginning, hope you liked it. Kind of out there but hey whatever. So the next chapter should be up soon so, woot!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own any of these characters 'cept maybe some, like the one's I made up.**

**P.S. I put this in first person POV, just cuz.**

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The blinding white light was unbearable. Why was it this white? My hand involuntarily reached up towards the light, it looked so pretty. A thud noise brought me back to reality.

The solid wood door opened, and Nurse Burtin walked in with a tray of food. She placed it delicately on the table next to my bed. I sat up and smiled up her.

"How are this morning dear?" she smiled sweetly back at me.

She was one of the only nice nurses here.

"I'm fine, how are ma'am?" I asked her politely.

"As good as it can get. Things are pretty wild outside, some old Gotham," she smiled to herself.

I nodded and stretched.

"You can do the most incredible things with you body," she smiled.

I smiled back.

"Thanks, it takes practice," I took the fork that lay next to my food.

I had been allowed to use forks since I had been good for all the time I spent here. Two years to be exact. Two years, 256 days, 7 hours, and 16 minutes. The seconds move too much. Too long in my book, but no one seemed to care, they just wanted me better. But the question is, who are they? My parents? The state? Myself? I didn't really know or care, I would say that it was myself, I felt safe here than any where else.

I don't even remember why I'm here in the first place. Sometimes I remember when I touch the only existing scars on my wrists, was that the real reason I was here? Not because I was actually troubled, as they called it here, but on suicidal tendencies. I had tried to tell them then that I wasn't, it wasn't me. But nope they didn't believe me all because I suddenly spazzed out and did actually go crazy. But oh well, as long it kept me out of those horrifying streets that had taken my everything.

"Honey are you okay?" Nurse Burtin asked me.

I nodded.

"Well recreational time starts in half an hour if you want to come out okay Kay," she smiled once more and then left.

I sighed once more and then began to eat my usual breakfast. Two chocolate pancakes, orange juice, and two strips of bacon. I liked things in order. It was habit for the crazy part of me I guess.

So here I was, in the general patient section of Gotham's Arkham Asylum being treated for God knows what. Every day was the same, recreational time, some sort of class, group therapy where the serious loonies vent, and then single therapy. You know the one where you talk about your feelings and all that crap.

At first I always told my therapist that I was okay, that I felt fine, and that they could send me home anytime. But it seems that when you tell them that, they only have you stay some more.

So, as I was saying, everyday is the same. Except today. I was in the middle of my tech class, surprisingly I was actually a very smart person compared to the rest of them, even the nurses, when the whole building began to shake. Everyone began to scream and hide under desks or continue to work, like you might do if you were crazy, but like most others I hid under my desk. It was like an earthquake and this what they had taught us to do when there was an earthquake. So the aids around the room had to force the others who kept working under the desks. All of a sudden all the phones began to ring, and the nurses' pagers went off.

Everyone was then ordered to return to their rooms. Apparently, I caught as I walked by some of the nurses, a psychopathic criminal had escaped, an extremely dangerous one. I rushed into my room and shut the door. I sat quickly on my bed and hugged my knees to my chest. This was scary.

A disturbing laugh echoed through the hallways. I squeezed my eyes shut. There was gun fire and screams as nurses and any other patient in the hallway were shot. Why were there guns over in the dangerous criminals section, for God's sake. There was a sudden silence and I opened my eyes. I glanced out the window. I was the only one in this section, maybe building, that has an entire window instead of a wall. I was on the second floor and had a balcony in which I could go out and read whenever. It was nice, but not now because I knew where the criminal was headed. If any of them were to look out of their barred windows, they' d see the corner of my nice little room. That was the only safe way out.

I felt a tightening grip squeeze the nerves in my stomach. Here I was, in an asylum, waiting to die. I'd faced death before, but it'd been worse. My heart screamed at me for bringing up those few days again. It turned on me, turning into a black hole that cut me in half. I held myself together with my arms and felt the tears pour down my face. I buried my face in my pillow. I was now lying on my bed, arms wrapped around myself, and knees close by. It might look like I was in a fetal position.

There was a loud bang as my door was blown away, flying back to the glass doors and breaking them.

"That makes it a whole lot easier," said a sadistic voice.

He let out a terrifying laugh. And I could hear him shuffle towards me. He picked a small piece of my hair. I heard his gun click and he laughed again.

"Don't worry doll, this won't hurt too much," he began to laugh again.

I was sobbing now.

"Oh don't cry that makes me feel bad," he laughed again after a slight pause.

I shook my head.

"Aren't you scared of me?" his voice became dark.

"No, I'm in pain already," I sobbed.

"Oooh pain, what did someone run over your puppy?" he was trying not to laugh.

I shook my head into the pillow; I didn't want to see his face, or him to see mine.

"What did you not get you lunch? Hehe a cookie at lunch? No, mmm. Did they force you your pills? No. ….did someone…hurt you? Mmm. Did you…love someone…and they are gone now?" I nodded, he had such trouble saying these the last one.

I heard the gun click again. I'd made him mad. Probably brought up some bad memories much like I had. I looked up at him with sad eyes.

My whole body shook. Everything was a blur, everything but his face. I rose up on my knees so I was just a little shorter than him. I carefully traced the outline of his shocked face. My hand ran across the two long scars that made his mouth into a permanent smile, but he wasn't smiling now. Suddenly his eyes squinted at me. He took his free hand and pushed me away. He started to walk away to the broken window.

The pain in my heart flooded back. I screamed in pain, it hurt so much more this time. My eyes widened with the pain and my arms instinctively wrapped around my torso. My breathing became erratic and uneven. My vision became blurred from the tears and a strange whimper escaped my lips. There was a crash on the floor near the window. He was gone.

I rolled myself over into the wall. There was a sudden, abrupt weight that came down on the bed gracefully. Warm arms wrapped around me and pulled me into a hard, warm surface. A hand wiped my tears away. I looked up and it was him staring at me with a loving smile on his face.

"I've missed you so much," I sobbed.

"Me too," he pulled me closer to his chest.

I sighed, "Alex."

His body stiffened around me and I looked at him again. He shook his head. He was no longer Alex. I nodded and lightly put my hand on his cheek. He sighed angrily. He slipped one arm under my knees and one under my neck. He lifted me up with easy and carried me to the window. He smiled weakly down at me and jumped.

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**So here's the second chapter, hope you enjoyed and I'll put the other ones up soon.**


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